It has been quite the adventure creating my version of Opus the Octopus. The designer, Cate Carter-Evans, notes in the introduction to the pattern that he is modeled after Octopus vulgaris, but without the scary beak. My octopus has a backstory that is kind of meaningful for me, but before I go into it, here is how he looks today in all of his finished knitted glory.
I bought those blue yarns that make up his body years ago at a fiber festival in Estes Park, Colorado. I love Estes Park, and I used to look forward to going to this show every single year, loading up on lots of yarn, cool fleeces, and an infusion of creativity as I ran amok with my friends.
One year, I bought all of this yarn from a vendor that I liked, and it languished in my stash for years as the colorful vest that it was originally dyed to create no longer interested me. Poor yarn. I began to joke that I would knit a big octopus out of that yarn. In a fit of unbounded creative craziness this summer, I wound and cast on the body of the octopus with this yarn.
The 5 strands of the yarn (4 merino lace strands, and 1 silk sport weight) were all hand-painted in blues, greens, and purples: all of this created a complex knitted fabric that could be the envy of any fashion-minded octopus.
I was slowly working on the octopus along with several other projects (okay, a lot of other projects…) when suddenly a couple of tough days hit. My cat needed to be rushed to the vet for ANOTHER bowel obstruction, and I hit a low spot emotionally as I struggled through a number of doctor appointments to rule out every conceivable cause of my profound shortness of breath episodes (while ignoring the actual conditions that I am ALREADY DIAGNOSED WITH!!!!!) A nurse suggested that I was to blame for the struggle because I was not handling my heart failure well. (First time someone told me I had heart failure… it seems a stretch to chastise me for mismanaging a condition that I didn’t know I had and no one educated me about handling… just saying…). I was told to always wear oxygen while up and about. I was told that wearing oxygen like that would hurt me. I was fussed at for not drinking enough fluids (kidney disease) and then informed that I was drinking more than I should (heart failure). Doctors batted me back and forth as they debated whether my heart or lungs were to blame. The most probable scenario was outright dismissed by one doctor because it was *too rare* while another doctor confirmed the hypothesis: it is a form of my activity-induced pulmonary hypertension complicated by a hole in my heart. They debated stopping my immunosuppressant drugs, then decided to not do that after all after looking at my latest lung scans. Finally, since there is literally nothing that they can do to help me, they decided that I just NEEDED MORE EXERCISE.
Look, I was ready to bite someone at that point. Instead, I began to knit on the octopus around the clock. Knitting is exercise, right? Certainly, the mental health benefits of knitting would help.
So, here is the whole octopus journey.
And just like that after knitting for days and days, he was done. He is sooo cute, and did you see the little purple gleam in his octopus eyes?
While all of this knitting was going on, I gradually improved and no longer had to use daytime oxygen. I read all of my test results carefully and found a note about a possible ischemic event in my heart imaging (as in a heart attack?). I made an appointment with my primary care physician (an internist) and went over the whole medical misadventures of the last few months with her. She agreed with my assessment of the situation and ordered up a slew of new tests that continued to eliminate things that might be contributing to my shortness of breath. Iron is still low, so we are working on that. My potassium is a little low, but the supplement I started a couple of months ago has made a positive gain. Exercise… yeah. That is a problem as I struggled to not pass out on my last 6-minute walk test, and the recommended exercise options (walk, bike, swim…) were not good ideas for a plethora of reasons. We decided that I would work with my Fitbit in a mindful way, making sure to hit the recommended number of fitness and cardio minutes each week without doing dedicated workouts. That is working! Slowly, week by week, I am completing the minutes with one eye on the Fitbit, and the other on my readiness levels, and I am getting better. The Fitbit (that sly rascal) increases the goals as I successfully meet my numbers and gives me reminders to not overdue things.
Yesterday I mowed my lawn and watered: 61 cardio minutes!! Yay! Carrying in groceries and putting them away: 15 cardio minutes. Knitting: NO CARDIO MINUTES!!! I guess you can’t have anything, but it is great for depression, and anxiety and facilitates decision making.
So it goes, little by little, getting better week by week. I still struggle with low oxygen levels with every low atmospheric pressure event, but I kind of know what is going on now, and my doctors are right: doing what I can to improve my exercise tolerance is helping. Did I mow the lawn on a day with high atmospheric pressure? Why yes, yes I did!! That is smart management, too.
That is my octopus story. I made him during a difficult recovery time, and today he is done and I am more than pleased with how he came out!!
What does this Fitbit and atmospheric data look like? Here it is:
Did you miss Hannah? Here she is!
The octopus looks really great! I’m glad the yarn finally got used for something fun, and that you’ve figured out how to help manage your health better.
I am so happy with how the yarn worked out on the octopus body. I still have lots of merino lace left over, but the silk is now gone.
I am happy with the Fitbit solution, but I can’t help but feel irritated that I needed to come up with something that provided data to show that I am staying as active as I can. It is a zebra problem: they are insisting on the usual evidence of exercise like going to the gym three times a week, but that won’t work in my situation because a “workout” will put me into a flare for days. It has to be something ongoing and steady without overreaching. The internist, who looks at my entire health situation, as opposed to the specialists, understood immediately what the issue was and how impossible some of their suggestions were.
So very well done with Octobot and with survival. No nurse has any right to chastise you for anything.
Especially with the nurse was completely wrong about the situation!!! I found her behavior shocking, but I also think it may reflect frustration with other patients who completely ignore their health and then demand help when things go wrong. As it turns out, the issue was not heart failure at all, and I wasn’t suffering from fluid overload. I still think that her behavior was unprofessional and I did complain to my cardiologist about it.
Indeed you should have
I love your Octobot! What a great recovery partner.
He is the best. He is hanging over my shoulder right now as I type this.
Such a great looking octopus! I love the eyes the best. I am pleased to hear you are making g progress on managing your health. You have to be such an advocate for yourself ALL THE TIME!!!
I just think that the octopus is the cutest thing ever, and knitting him was a great way to deal with all the frustration and stress of the last couple of months. I am feeling much better and my situation has improved just as I got him finished. Next up: a pair of socks and some shawls.
I do have some nice yarn stashed that can be used to make the medium sized octopus…
It is really hard to advocate for yourself when you are totally red-lined health wise. I have to say, I did find a new ER that is absolutely first rate!!!
Stay strong, my friend. I pray that good people cross your path.
I have been lucky in that some wonderful people have crossed my path this last year. 🙂
Wow! Your Octopus is quite large! I had no idea until you were holding him. So happy you’re improving health-wise. That FitBit gives you lots of good info.
I’m happy to be doing better, too. It is so discouraging when I have to stay on oxygen 24/7, but I am through that and building some exercise tolerance. Thank heavens I have tons to do at home!! 🙂
The Fitbit has been a great companion for me!
Great octopus! Because of his size and the fact that he has a name, you’ll have to include him on the next census in 2030. Perhaps you can list him as a dependent on your tax return, too.
A Fitbit with a conscience? Good grief! On the one hand it increases your exercise expectations when you’ve reached a goal, then, to redeem itself for this move, it cautions you to not overdo it. You’ll have to make sure you watch your FitBOT in case its little AI brain runs amok and makes totally weird exercise demands. My philosophy: treat a bot with healthy skepticism.
I’m with Derrick: no nurse has the right to chastise you for anything. She sounds like a budding bully. I guess she doesn’t see you as a model of resilience as we do, and you are.
I absolutely need to claim him on the taxes!!!
I have the Fitbit linked to Google Health, and it is proving worth the cost of the service. One of the problems with autoimmune is overdoing things and going into a flare. The Fitbit actually send a warning alert if I am overdoing things! Now that I am really mindful of my cardio load and weekly totals I am making gains without running into trouble. The other component is to keep an eye on the air pressure. If the bot gets out of hand I can always fail to recharge him…
I am still cranky about that nurse. She treated me like I was intellectually compromised, which was just shocking, and completely dismissive of everything that I told her. I almost snapped and told her that she just wasn’t qualified to evaluate my condition, but I did hold my tongue. I won’t go back to her. She was the nurse practitioner attached to my cardiologist.
About the nurse…did she explain in what way she thought you were not handling the heart failure well? Had she specific data to back up her assertion that it was your fault and specific, reasonable advice on how to move the numbers? Her comment wasn’t very scientific. I’d have asked for a second opinion – that of your cardiologist. But…it’s easy for an online armchair observer to offer suggestions that don’t fit the situation, so take what I’ve written with a grain of salt.
This happened the day after I was in the ER (after she insisted that I go) and all the usual reasons for my symptoms were ruled out: heart attack, pulmonary embolism, etc. At that point my cardiologist thought that I must have fluid overload (which I didn’t) and she must have decided that I was lying to her about my diet and fluid consumption. It was just awful She kept grilling me over and over about checking my SpO2 numbers (which I do all the time), what I are, what I drank, and on and on and on. She talked to me like I was a child. My PCP was shocked when I told her about it.
The truth of the matter is, she just wasn’t qualified to treat me because…zebra!!
Like Ruth Ann, I had no idea Octobot was that big until the last picture. And he looks positively alive, holding that fish. I’m glad you had him to work on while the doctors were playing Jeopardy. That whipsaw advice would have made me crazy.
Estes! Yes! My favorite place in the world other than the park itself. Sadly, the drive up and back, plus a couple of hours there, is more than I can manage anymore. Hmm, quite the incongruence — Estes and octopus. Who’da thunk it?
Whichever feline is getting those blockages needs to knock it off. Not fun for anyone!
The crazy contradictory advice just went on and on. Maybe I should take Octopus to my next appointment?
I also have had to give up on trips to Estes. It is the drive and the elevation that are making it hard for me. I am so grateful for every single time that I did go there over the years. One of my favorite places in the world along with the park.
One hypothesis is that Mateo was ingesting clumping litter while cleaning himself after using the box. I have his tummy and rear end shaved, and I have cleaned the litter, and I’m doing everything that I can to stop him from eating leaves and bugs. So far, so good. Poor little guy. He does love eating bugs…
You manage these difficult twists and turns of life well, yet it seems so unfair that you should have kitty health issues, your own major health issues, and then disrespect or disregard from the so-called professionals. I’m glad you’re strong and determined, and I’m happy that you have the wonderfully creative escape found at the end of knitting needles.
Octobot is a wonder! He is beautiful and majestic and a wonder to behold.
My niece tells me that I am tenacious. I always aim for resilience, but I am working on self-assured now too. In my opinion, it never is productive to argue with your health care team, so instead it is important for me to take a step back, consider the whole picture, and then provide alternative perspectives (with data) to my doctors the best I can while asking questions. It’s a process.
I am so happy with the octopus. He is a free pattern online, which made it great, and a wonderful remnant of a tough down time with my health.
Tenacious is good and necessary when navigating the medical world.I think your approach is both practical and admirable.
I’m glad you’re pleased with your octopus. He’s a handsome fellow, and I’m sure it feels good to have put that yarn to good use.
Octobot is great. Beautiful colors. Will you keep him? Cut sitting on the back of a chair or couch? Gosh, your story reminds me of how frustrating it is for my husband with his multiple conditions to manage his meds and their consequences. Then each specialist doesn’t consider the whole person. Huh, I thought that was supposed to be the big trend in medicine. Medical folks aren’t getting the message!!
Oh, I am keeping him for sure!!! I am now fighting an urge to change all of my furniture around so he can be the star on my living room couch (a deep plum color!!).
It is just crazy awful trying to manage a complicated health profile when there are multiple specialists involved. I make specific management appointments with my PCP (an internist) who then reads the notes and test results from the other doctors, plugs the gaps, answers my questions, and then helps me prepare for the next round of appointments. Her coordination has been just invaluable.
He really is quite a thing of beauty and I bet pretty nice to cuddle. I am reading a book called The Telomere Effect by Elizabeth Blackburn PhD and Elissa Epel PhD, you have come to mind a few times as I have been reading it. Possibly may be of interest to you.
I just checked that book on Amazon and will probably read it. Thank you so much for mentioning it. Does the book say resilient people with lots of knitting age slower? My guess is it does say something like that.
I know about telomeres because of my biology background, and I already heard that some people prematurely age in stressful situations and it correlates with telomere loss. Does the book say that too?
There is a recent scleroderma study that tracked mental health status and disease severity, and there was a group of outliers who did not develop worse anxiety and depression as their disease worsened. The research is now actively looking into resilience in the setting of a progressive chronic disease and I wonder if they checked telomeres? They say they are trying to unpack resilience as a set of attitudes and behaviors. I need to read to book!! Thank you again.
I am only on chapter 4 and that is about how stress affects your cells and studies about why for some people stress is a challenge and for others it is detrimental. I am definitely in the detrimental group but again last night reading it was thinking you must be in the challenge group. Sincerely believe if I had half your medical issues I would have been long dead. I am trying to change how I deal with stress doing yoga and QiGong now which surprisingly on a quick look through the index it mentions. The paperback version has tiny writing and even with my glasses on I have been struggling so also have the audible version and am simultaneously reading and listening so it goes in. Busy week as we are away so less reading time available than normal. Should make more progress when back home.
Forgot to add knitting is not in the index, but most probably is similar meditative qualities as some things that are.
I think that there is a lot to be said to be mindful about things that are increasing stress, but it only goes so far. I had so much on my plate the last few years I was working I started to write down everything that I needed to do (in my book of lists!) and that simple habit greatly reduced stress. I stopped worrying about remembering to do things, because I had it down and could organize tasks in the most time effective way. I realized that taking action of any kind helped enormously. Now when I realize I’m worrying about something I try to do it immediately, so it won’t be hanging over me.
Of course, that doesn’t always work. I struggle with big decisions.
This thing happened to me after my last surgery when I struggled with oxygen levels and ended up in the ICU for a few days. My hair turned white overnight and as it grew out we could see the line where the change happened. It looked like I was growing out a dye job! I laugh to think of what happened to my poor little telomeres!
As an aside, you’ll be in my thoughts next week as Odalys and Polo, driven by a low-pressure system with tons of rain, into your area. Reminds me of a time when I was caught in a downpour in the mountains between NM and Colorado. Intense rain on the steep mountain sent mud rapidly downhill, pushing my poor little VW with me in it sideways off the road, not stopping until the car was lodged at a 30-degree angle against a fir tree. This was a sparsely populated area where I might not have been found for days if not for that tree stopping me from sliding into oblivion.
Holy smokes! I started reading your comment and thought of a really memorable thunderstorm that I saw just above that border with my kids as I drove north into Colorado towards Trinidad, but then you got to the mud slide and going off the road part… yikes!!! How lucky that the tree was able to stop the car before you went any further down the mountain. I think that people don’t get how much water can come down all at once in these storms, and how scary it can be. The storm that I saw was a discrete thunderstorm all by itself with a lightening-interlaced wall of water falling out of it: one of the most amazing sights ever! The storms that are coming next week will hit some areas that have experienced wildfire, and the flooding and mudslide risk is pretty significant. I hope that everyone will be safe, but this is pretty concerning and I understand that California is already mobilizing in preparation.