Okay, I have been gone for awhile. I’m sorry that I caused some concern for people. I’ve been contacted by a couple of people, and one (MR, I’m talking to you) has reminded me that I need to continue to check in from time to time…
Here is what is happening in a nutshell. I caught the flu, I got over the flu, I felt kind of good for a week or so, and then I began to get steadily worse. I was losing weight, sleeping around the clock, my hair was falling out, I hurt all over, and my oxygen was low. I had an appointment with my pulmonologist coming up, so I just hung in there. About a month ago I finally saw him and had my routine lung testing done.
Oh dear. The testing didn’t go well. I had a 20% drop in my ability to move CO2 gas from my lungs into my bloodstream. Not good. A drop like that is considered highly significant and set off some red flags. My lungs are in trouble, but there is a strong possibility that my heart is the underlying cause. I’m a patient with both interstitial lung disease (ILD) and pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH), and the two, like the lungs and the heart themselves, are interconnected. My pulmonologist shot off emails to the other doctors on my team, prescribed three new drugs to treat the immediate problem (lungs!), and ordered up future testing to see if I make some recovery after completing the prescriptions. There were steroids involved, which is risky for scleroderma patients, but I was kind of out of options. Sigh. It took weeks for me to get this sick, and it will take weeks to see if I’m recovering.
These pictures are of my front ash tree. Three weeks ago there was a hard freeze, and the new leaves and buds on my tree all died. Feeling just awful, panting with chest pain, I keep looking sadly at the dead leaves hanging off the tree wondering if it was alive or dead. I began to call it Schrodinger’s Tree: simultaneously alive/dead, and only time would tell. I kind of identified with the tree as I dragged myself out to the catio for my morning latte. Then, as you can see, over the last 10 days the tree has gradually begun to regrow buds, and now it is covered with leaves. I also have slowly improved: no more chest pain, and the panting is much better. The weight loss has stopped, and my sleep is returning to normal.
Last week I went for a specialized CT scan of my chest to see how I’m doing now that I’ve completed the course of emergency response meds, and in another week, I will repeat the lung function tests. I’ve been warned to expect a trip back to the cath lab to measure the pressures inside the right side of my heart, as there is a good chance my PAH has worsened and is at the heart (see what I did there… ha!) of my struggles.
So… I’m kind of in limbo. In cases like these, I find it is best to knit. I pulled out my Weekender Crew sweater that had been languishing in a box under the bed, and slowly managed to knit enough to get it finished. Look at how cute the knitted fabric is!
I have lots of plans for this yarn: a shawl, a sweater, a woven scarf, and then a knitted cowl and wristers set for the scleroderma charity auction. With yarn like this it is impossible to feel sorry for myself. I managed to get more (deep rosy pink) yarn wound for a new sweater, and a couple of nights ago, at about the same time that I became positive that the tree was going to survive, I cast on my new Cloudbreak Tee.
It’s going to be great, right?
So, here I am, knitting away, in a state of flux, waiting to see how all of this will turn out. I’m doing everything that my doctors are telling me to do, and I have gotten alarmed about some parts of the emerging treatment plan (there is some discussion about big alterations and new drugs…), but I am clearly improving, and in the meantime, there is… YARN.
As I told my pulmonologist… no one ever got better by worrying. Do the best you can, take your meds, and sleep like a cat.
I also told him that I’m not doing another lung biopsy!! He didn’t think I was funny…
PS: I have been looking for all the glimmers. The white pelicans have returned to Colorado. A litter of baby bunnies have emerged from under the deck. I went to the garden center and bought huge lavender plants. My catio is awash with potted flowers and the yard is full of birdsong. My trees are covered with feathery new leaves. The baby eagles at Big Bear Lake are getting huge…
Yarn, Books & Roses 
How awfully frightening. I’m glad to see you back and posting
I had missed your posts and I’m glad to see you back! I’m sorry to hear you had such a rough time and I’m glad you are now better!
Thanks. I’m sorry that I was gone so long. I’m still not out of the woods, but I am functioning much better than I was. 🙂
Good to see you “back in business”again after quite the struggle. Love the sweater (neat how variegated (?) yarn works). And that pile of pink and purple is spectacular.
My little redbud tree has done exactly what your ash did. All the new little leaves and buds turned to limp brown dangles for several weeks before, very slowly, new leaves formed. I noticed they were much slower coming back on the north side, the side the strorm came from.
Haven’t seen my two bunnies since the storm. Hope they come back. The grass is starting to look pretty tasty.
The one great irony of the treatment meds is my tendonitis faded into the background and I was able to knit. Yay! Every cloud does have a silver lining. Now that it has decided to be cool and rainy that sweater had its outing last weekend.
There are also two honey locust trees that I sadly watched, and they have both made it back. I am so sorry to hear about the redbud; that is my favorite spring flowering tree. That was truly tragic!!
The bunnies in my neighborhood have absolutely destroyed the front yard and the next-door neighbor and I are talking about rocking/mulching both of our front yards with some accent shrubs. The bunnies even ate all of my phlox!! And the ice plant!!! I feel for how hungry they were, but this is out of control. Thank heavens they don’t seem to like roses or snapdragons.
The redbud is back, even though this year’s blossoms got nipped. They be back next year. Mixed feelings about the bunnies. Some years ago I struggled to keep them from chewing up my backyard lawn. This year it seems like no big deal because they’re cute. But who knows how I’ll feel by midsummer.
You may’ve been gone, but definitely not forgotten. Do let someone know that you’re still with us so we won’t worry unnecessarily next time a setback occurs…if you want to, that is. We can silently cheer you on. It’s nice to know someone/lots of someones are in your corner.
As for the white pelicans, many of them wintered in the flyway from Galveston, TX, northeast to Bolivar peninsula, and High Island. On the FB site Completely Galveston, people posted great photos/videos of white pelicans with their snowy feathers and black under-wing slashes chilling on or near the bays, lagoons, dockside, etc. The same with the roseate spoonbills and flamingos. What a wash of color!
Here’s to your continued improvement, promising medical news, and your sense of humor in spite of it all.
I got to the point where I wondered if I should write a goodbye post and let the blog go because I wasn’t sure it was fair to take everyone along on my journey if I was coming into the home stretch. Sigh. I have cheered up now that my chest pain and dizziness is gone, but it is still something to think about. All journeys do come to an end, don’t they.
I never thought about where the pelicans go over the winter! I just love to see them in flight! It is as you said, big white birds with those fabulous black slashes down their wings. A few days ago, I saw three of them wheel a turn in the sky from my bedroom window. Best cheer-up ever!!
I’m pretty sure I’ll never see a flamingo in Colorado…
Instead of flamingos in Colorado, you have a lot of flamingo-colored yarn that won’t give you bird flu or any other avian diseases and won’t leave you in fall to head to northern coastal Yucatan for the winter.
Selfishly, I hope you don’t bring your posting to an end, but that’s a decision you have to make. Just please know that we’re with you in spirit if you do make that decision because we want what’s best for you.